It's not always monkey see, money do!

Before you throw me to the wolves, listen to all I have to say first.........

I have tried my best to teach my kids to be individuals. I have tried to teach them not to worry about what others think of you, do your own thing. So when my youngest son came home from school a couple weeks ago wanting his finger nails painted pink it surprised me and made me happy. Of course my first question was "Why?". The answer...well my child explained to me that at first it was a dare from a girl at school that turned into him actually thinking about it and what it meant to him. For anyone who knows Austen and his ADHD self, he is not very deep sometimes. So the dare turned into him realizing that pink is just a color and not just a girls color. Boys can wear pink and they will not melt. He was told to wear black if he wanted his nails painted because it was a manly color. He countered with "My sister wears black fingernail polish". Pink and purple have been some of his favorite colors all of his life. He has decided that liking these colors are not a bad thing, but actually ok. I partly thank the gym teacher at his school. He is a short, stocky, buff guy that is a father and wrestling coach. He wears pink all the time and explains to the kids that it takes a "Real Man" to wear pink. Austen finally came out with "Mom, I want my finger nails painted pink so that I can show people that pink is just a color and not for just girls." How can I fault the kid????? This is everything I have ever taught him about being an individual!!! BUT......I know my child and other children his age. He is in 3rd grade. Kids in 3rd grade can be ruthless and don't quite get indivduality sometimes. So...what to do????? This may sound bad, but if it were any of my other children I would have done it without question because I know they have a strong enough personality to handle it. I also know that Austen does not have a strong enough personality to handle all the ridicule regardless of what he counters with. He would be labeled "The Girly Boy" until atleast middle school if not longer. The compromise......we paint his nails over spring break. I never once told him I wouldn't do it and let him wear it to school, I was just too busy to paint them until spring break. The color will wear off in a week and the polish will be lost untill summer. I can't let him do this at school, but I can't fault him for wanting to show his individuality. I mean seriously, with teenagers walking around with pink, purple, blue, and/or green hair how can I fault my kids? This goes back to the previous blog of letting them grow up and learning to let them be themselves. The final decision....alternating pink and black fingernails :-)

Learning to let go

Being a parent is never easy. Yes, sometimes it is fun and can always be rewarding, but it is never easy. The hardest part? Learning to let them grow up. I remember when mine where just little babies. I couldn't wait for the day they would walk. That day came and what happened? I held their hands. I couldn't make myself let go. What if they fall and get hurt? What if, what if, what if.....I can go on forever. I am having a hard time with letting them grow up. We are trying to teach them how to take care of themselves. Teaching them to cook, clean, and how to take care of and help each other. That is our job right? So why is it so hard to let them actually do it after we spent so much time trying to teach them? Is it the what if fear again? Or is it just the " I am not ready for them to grow up yet" fear? I know I can't keep them little forever. I know that I can't keep them in the house forever. The day will come when they get their own places to live and will move out. I am in no way, shape, or form anywhere near Close to dealing with this yet, but I will have to get there one day. I won't have a choice. They will make their own mistakes in life and I have to be strong enough to let them. I have to be strong enough to let them make the mistake and wait patiently until they ask for help. Stepping in to make it all better will only teach them that I can fix it. They have to learn from the mistake or it wasn't worth making. I have learned this the hard way in my own life. My parents stepped in and fixed it. I didn't learn anything and so I just did it again. I did get myself into a position eventually that my parents couldn't get me out of....thats when I grew up. Thats when the light bulb came on and I learned from my mistakes. I have never forgotten that valuable lesson and feel our kids need to learn that lesson in order to grow up and be strong, responsible adults. I am now on a new road of learning and that is learning to let the kids become the adults that I know they can be. No one ever said that life is easy, but being a parent is sometimes the hardest part.